For the past few months, I have been frustrated in my blog reading to find someone whose life resembles mine. I have enjoyed reading blogs of other stay at home moms (I especially enjoy Anne Kennedy's Undercurrent of Hostility--see link in margin) but as precious as Anne's children are, her life in no way resembles mine because she has 4 beautiful, neurotypical children. I have many friends blessed to live in a world without the constant need to make every moment with their children a therapy moment and binders full of IEP's and other therapy notes and I want, more than anything, for their lives to continue that way. But my life is different.
My son, Alex, is a beautiful 5 year old boy who is, as my friend Amy Nelson says, overcoming diagnoses of high-functioning autism and ADHD, and we expect at least a few more years of living with the results of that diagnosis. My daughter, Miranda, who was 2 years old last October 30, was diagnosed with Sensory Integration Dysfunction (say that 3 times fast and then Google it) in May of 2008 and although her therapy is progressing well, we expect to continue to find ways to live with or work around SID for the foreseeable future. I believe in the words of Hebrews 11:1, that "faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." I have hope in the healing power of Christ Jesus who offers complete healing for my children but I am unsure of the when and how.
Recently, though, I have realized that like my children, I have spent my life passing for normal. Alex's compulsivity, like wanting the same thing for breakfast every day, is mirrored in my life. I have eaten the same thing for breakfast (turkey bacon, toasted English muffin with blackberry jam, hot chocolate) for at least six months. And Miranda's inability to sit still seems so familiar to me. When I sit and watch television, I don't just sit. I also cross stitch, surf or play games on my laptop, eat, or chew my fingernails. In fact, I took up cross stitching early in my marriage to keep myself from spending all my time in the evenings stuffing my face.
So, I am welcoming my friends, new and old, to join me in my daily struggle of finding a balance between managing the household of 4 people and finding those "therapy moments" to help my children continue towards a "normal" mode of development while I look at myself and how I have spent my life "passing for normal."